At the risk of beating a dead horse…

Yesterday I posted journal excerpts (from Meditations and Improvisations) I wrote in a prison chapel on Christmas of 1997.  For more context, and because I have neither the time nor inclination this evening to write about newer things, here are a few more previously unseen random excerpts from that book.  Then I’ll break from the year for a while, if you’d like.


Ameri-cuss
4 May 1997
8:15 a.m.

Big Brother
Is big business
Police and prisons
Pick up where the military left off
As the next big economic boon

And I cannot always distinguish the line
Between a pig
And the pork he gorges on

* * *

16 June 1997
4:35 p.m.

Biting your tongue
        the insides of your cheeks
        prisoners of war
Nervous habit
Half unconcious
        compulsion

Please don’t bite your tongue
Unless it first
        bites you

* * *

30 June 1997
4:50 p.m.

Financing Montel
Hazing
Hosing
Hailing the wrong taxicab

Light in the closet
Blood on the hanger

In the hangar Montel
Losing focus
Hocus Pocus
And who is corn holier
Than cow 

* * *

2 July 1997
4:15 p.m.

Gravel and black dust
Baked by the sun
In a round metal wheel
Where an inmate runs

Dark blue pants
Bare tattooed chest
By the horseshoe pits
An inmate suns

A water bottle break
Nibble of alfalfa
Looking out
And the homesick gerbil returns to his wheel

* * *

5 July 1997
4:45 p.m.

Pungent aroma
Of coffee beans
Chlorine
And time
Fills the nostrils
Tickles the lungs
Stirs the brain.

* * *


16 September 1997
noon


How many cunts
Could a good count count
If a good count could count cunts?


* * *


19 September 1997
4:05 p.m.


See?
I told you I
Could fly like a
Kite
A
Soaring kite
A
Diving kite.
Oh
God do I have to crash?


* * *


27 September 1997
8:45 p.m


I try to understand

For a splinter of time
The heavens were opened
And I saw God

For a splinter of time
The wind was your breath in my ear
An angelic song
Warm clear stream
And radiant sun

I then knew God alive
And you his soul

His charming spirit
Made me alive
For a splinter of time
Enchanted
Strung out
Undone

Then you vanished

So I pray for day
And try to understand.

* * *

15 October 1997
6:10 p.m.

I am so lonely
It’s making me angry
I long for a soul mate
And there is none
I long for a princess
Or even a prince
I met one for a moment
But none since
I must grow old
But I hope not bitter
Sometimes
I fear
I am little more
Than litter.

* * *

22 October 1997
1:20 p.m.

Clash with
Licentious
Attitudes,
Survive the
Holocaust,
Land the lead role
On off-Broadway,
Nose your way
Diligently through
Onslaughts of
Non-thinking
Coarse, un-
Allusive, follow-the-
Leader
Liberal-hating
Imbeciles, deny them
Nourishment and smile as
Gnawing hunger consumes them.

* * *

14 November 1997
11:15 p.m.


Why are we giving the weeds of the world more compost?

* * *

27 November 1997
2:40 p.m.


Your hollow cheeks
Your luscious lips
Your dainty nose
And enchanted hips
Your nasal voice
Your tender hands
Your charms
The ocean’s hallowed sands

I long to wash ashore
I long to long for you more

* * *

21 December 1997
11:35 p.m.


I am alive
I’m here
The circles beneath my eyes
Betray my home
And I can be whole
In this hole
Or out

* * *

22 December 1997
7:35 p.m.


rise and
Eat a
Valise
Of hard
Luck and
torment

* * *

27 December 1997
12:05 a.m.

Remy Martin
How I long to
Yearn to
Drink you
With my soul
Like so much coffee
‘Til I’m light-headed
Ecstatic
Erratic
Automatic

* * *

9 March 1998
2 p.m.


Into myself into life into books
Into summer and teachers and bored dirty looks
When the board dirty looks at me
Leaves me to hang
Though the whole world’s a savior
I feel the big bang

* * *

10 April 1998
1 p.m.


One beautiful moment
Outweighs by far
A lifetime of okay

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