At the risk of beating a dead horse…

Yesterday I posted journal excerpts (from Meditations and Improvisations) I wrote in a prison chapel on Christmas of 1997.  For more context, and because I have neither the time nor inclination this evening to write about newer things, here are a few more previously unseen random excerpts from that book.  Then I’ll break from the year for a while, if you’d like.

4 May 1997
8:15 a.m.

Big Brother
Is big business
Police and prisons
Pick up where the military left off
As the next big economic boon

And I cannot always distinguish the line
Between a pig
And the pork he gorges on

* * *

16 June 1997
4:35 p.m.

Biting your tongue
        the insides of your cheeks
        prisoners of war
Nervous habit
Half unconcious

Please don’t bite your tongue
Unless it first
        bites you

* * *

30 June 1997
4:50 p.m.

Financing Montel
Hailing the wrong taxicab

Light in the closet
Blood on the hanger

In the hangar Montel
Losing focus
Hocus Pocus
And who is corn holier
Than cow 

* * *

2 July 1997
4:15 p.m.

Gravel and black dust
Baked by the sun
In a round metal wheel
Where an inmate runs

Dark blue pants
Bare tattooed chest
By the horseshoe pits
An inmate suns

A water bottle break
Nibble of alfalfa
Looking out
And the homesick gerbil returns to his wheel

* * *

5 July 1997
4:45 p.m.

Pungent aroma
Of coffee beans
And time
Fills the nostrils
Tickles the lungs
Stirs the brain.

* * *

16 September 1997

How many cunts
Could a good count count
If a good count could count cunts?

* * *

19 September 1997
4:05 p.m.

I told you I
Could fly like a
Soaring kite
Diving kite.
God do I have to crash?

* * *

27 September 1997
8:45 p.m

I try to understand

For a splinter of time
The heavens were opened
And I saw God

For a splinter of time
The wind was your breath in my ear
An angelic song
Warm clear stream
And radiant sun

I then knew God alive
And you his soul

His charming spirit
Made me alive
For a splinter of time
Strung out

Then you vanished

So I pray for day
And try to understand.

* * *

15 October 1997
6:10 p.m.

I am so lonely
It’s making me angry
I long for a soul mate
And there is none
I long for a princess
Or even a prince
I met one for a moment
But none since
I must grow old
But I hope not bitter
I fear
I am little more
Than litter.

* * *

22 October 1997
1:20 p.m.

Clash with
Survive the
Land the lead role
On off-Broadway,
Nose your way
Diligently through
Onslaughts of
Coarse, un-
Allusive, follow-the-
Imbeciles, deny them
Nourishment and smile as
Gnawing hunger consumes them.

* * *

14 November 1997
11:15 p.m.

Why are we giving the weeds of the world more compost?

* * *

27 November 1997
2:40 p.m.

Your hollow cheeks
Your luscious lips
Your dainty nose
And enchanted hips
Your nasal voice
Your tender hands
Your charms
The ocean’s hallowed sands

I long to wash ashore
I long to long for you more

* * *

21 December 1997
11:35 p.m.

I am alive
I’m here
The circles beneath my eyes
Betray my home
And I can be whole
In this hole
Or out

* * *

22 December 1997
7:35 p.m.

rise and
Eat a
Of hard
Luck and

* * *

27 December 1997
12:05 a.m.

Remy Martin
How I long to
Yearn to
Drink you
With my soul
Like so much coffee
‘Til I’m light-headed

* * *

9 March 1998
2 p.m.

Into myself into life into books
Into summer and teachers and bored dirty looks
When the board dirty looks at me
Leaves me to hang
Though the whole world’s a savior
I feel the big bang

* * *

10 April 1998
1 p.m.

One beautiful moment
Outweighs by far
A lifetime of okay